Fillets and Fears

This week ended resoundingly as I filleted my first fish.

That's right.  I, filleted a fish.  Flounder to be exact.

Some of you may say... big deal.  It wasn't even alive when you started and it had already been gutted (thank God).

But you should know I've always been freaked out by fish, and if you read this post, you know that it took me until college to actually be able to eat fish.

They're fine in a tank with a nice, sturdy glass barrier separating you from them like a window into an entirely different world, in which case, they can be rather stunning.  But I prefer keeping those worlds separate, which is why I avoid swimming in lakes and oceans whenever possible...

Because, face it, outside their native, beautiful waters, fish are gross.  They have odd-looking parts like gills, scales, and fins.  They smell.  They're slimy.  They twitch and snap.  They're always frowning and their beady eyes never display any sort of intelligence or emotion.   If you don't agree with me, look up a picture of a flounder and tell me it wouldn't freak you out to touch one of those.  (Oh no, I just looked it up in Google Images and saw a picture of Flounder from The Little Mermaid.  I filleted Ariel's best friend!)

So on Thursday, when it came time to reach into the bucket and grasp my victim, my hand immediately recoiled.  I honestly could not help it.  My mind was telling myself Just grab it!  Get it over with! but no matter how much mental willpower I tried to conjure, my hand would not obey.  This happened at least 5 or 6 times.  I may have squealed once or twice as well.  A classmate stood in front of me, witnessing my pathetic display of fear, and kindly, but firmly, reminded me that I was just going to have to suck it up and grab it.

And so I did!  Eventually... and with a grimace.  But nevertheless...

Then it was on my cutting board, and I was faced with another issue.  What the heck do I do now?  I had watched Chef fillet one earlier, making it look deceptively effortless and obvious (as he always does) but now I was at a loss.  So I consulted my notes.  Oh, okay.  Cut a slit underneath the gill.  Where is the gill?  My classmate graciously pointed it out and recommended that I stick my hand in the gill so I could feel where the cut had to be made.  You want me to feel what??? No thank you!  Again, another firm reminder that I had to get over it.  I wish I was allowed to wear gloves...

OK so that's the gill... now how deeply do I cut into it?  And at what angle?  I must have done something wrong because I heard the chef behind me.  WHAT are you doing? he asked, and I literally answered I was wondering the same thing.

He helped me with the initial cut, and from there it was actually pretty easy.  My first fillet came off rather seamlessly, and I didn't even leave a lot of meat on the bone.  Because it is a flatfish, I was able to get four (rather thin) fillets from it.  Sidenote:  Another crazy fact about flatfish is that they hide out on their side on the bottom of the ocean, so they have both eyes on one side of their head.  So basically I had two lifeless eyes staring up at me the whole time as if to say Why are you doing this to me?  WHY?

After filleting the fish, we poached them and topped them with a nice, silky smooth, buttery Hollandaise sauce that I had made earlier.  Yes, another victory for me... I had made a decent Hollandaise sauce.  Not the scrambled eggs I had to throw away on Tuesday.

And so the week ended on a relatively high note.  Now do you think I will be able to fillet the same fish without squealing next time?  I seriously doubt it.  But I'm thinking it's only a matter of time.

For anyone interested in a visual reference, I found this video that basically gives an idea of what I accomplished (but with a more practiced hand).

oo,